This is Your Moment

I am a very 'Astrological' person.  I am a true Aquarius by any definition, minus a few things - and they are as follows:

Aquarius is thought to be very unemotional and detached.  In my Astrology book it reads, 'It's not that we don't have feelings; it's just that ours are different from most others. You dance to the beat of a different drummer.'

I am a very emotional creature.  I like seeing emotion from other people- it's very real and honest when true.  I long for intimacy, and the feeling of being needed and wanted.  Sometimes to a fault, I need reassurance.  I am very insecure in some ways, and very secure in others.

I think that besides what my Air sign means, what other traits I carry or don't carry, my ruling planet, which is Uranus explains a lot.

As the key planet of Aquarius, it encourages us to rebel against social injustices and to seek freedom of expression in our lives. 

I couldn't agree more.  All of my life I have struggled with this.  In going along with the title of this blog the freedom of expression is starting to come around full circle, and is making me realize a number of things.


Freedom of expression isn't always in the clothes you wear or the color of your hair.  It isn't about what's on my Ipod or in my movie list or the posters on my wall.  


Mr. Poe said:

From childhood's hour I have not been As others were; I have not seen As others saw; I could not bring My passions from a common spring. From the same source I have not taken My sorrow; I could not awaken My heart to joy at the same tone; And all I loved, I loved alone. 

...you can say that again.

I have had all of this floating around, rather flying around, in my head ever since the trip to Galveston.  I had a lot of things confirmed, and founded.  They were justified - my feelings, and fears.  I learned that my path to discovering Allison is working.
The path to a better Allison, a more accepting Allison, maybe.
A more eager Allison, definitely.

I feel a calm inside.  It fills the hole that was filled with anger, regret and contempt for everything in my life, and everything that was a part of it.... that's not easy, either - that is a big hole.  I don't feel like asking 'why me' anymore.  I feel as though I need to figure that out for myself.  I know there are many things beyond my control.  I have to accept that shit happens, and it isn't being caused by a higher power pissed at me for stepping on the spider.  It's because shit happens - it's not always because I am doing or have done something wrong in my life.  If that were the case - there would be no hope.

I am trying to fix that, though.
I am opening my mind, and I am learning to ask for help.... something very hard for me to do.
I am learning and accepting.

All on a very spiritual level.

I said that this year, 2011, would be my year.  For what?
For everything that I want and deserve.
The universe wasn't keeping me from it - I was keeping myself from it.

...those days are over.

After all, 11 is one of my lucky numbers.  Even though last year the number 11 and I had a huge misunderstanding - we have worked it out.
We are good.
We are ready.