Sunday, September 18, 2011

Day 31 - I Take It All Back

I feel so lost right now.

So much has happened, but this is not the place for it.

I am so drained, confused, unsure, and scared.  It is so hard to admit that.

How the hell am I supposed to let someone know the real Allison, the whole 9 yards be it good or bad, good AND bad, when in a matter of minutes I could be their second choice?

Why do people have to lie?  I would rather be hurt by the truth than be hurt even more by a lie....and to know the truth, and still get the lies in answers is even worse.

Why can't anything go smoothly?  I'm not asking for easy - or is that the same thing?  I am tired of struggling.  I want a flow.

The first day in nearly 4 months that there was no communication.

'What are you up to?'

I didn't know I could miss those simple words when they weren't there on my screen... when I didn't see them all day.

I shared more than I have with any other person, and most importantly I WANTED to share more, open more, and be more trusting.  I don't trust blindly, it has to be earned.  I was

All in vain.

I can't right now.