I feel so lost right now.
So much has happened, but this is not the place for it.
I am so drained, confused, unsure, and scared. It is so hard to admit that.
How the hell am I supposed to let someone know the real Allison, the whole 9 yards be it good or bad, good AND bad, when in a matter of minutes I could be their second choice?
Why do people have to lie? I would rather be hurt by the truth than be hurt even more by a lie....and to know the truth, and still get the lies in answers is even worse.
Why can't anything go smoothly? I'm not asking for easy - or is that the same thing? I am tired of struggling. I want a flow.
The first day in nearly 4 months that there was no communication.
'What are you up to?'
I didn't know I could miss those simple words when they weren't there on my screen... when I didn't see them all day.
I shared more than I have with any other person, and most importantly I WANTED to share more, open more, and be more trusting. I don't trust blindly, it has to be earned. I was trying.so.fucking.hard.
All in vain.
I can't right now.