And There My Mind Goes

I am starting to over think, analyze and criticize.  I do it to myself so well.

I posted the traits of Aquarius awhile back, and made the comment that I had an issue with one listed, and that is  one of Aquarius being 'emotionally detached.'  I didn't, and still don't like that, and never thought that I fit into that description.

I was told that I was exactly that, and by someone that I think to be very intuitive... sees me very well.  I just don't get it.  I wear my heart on my sleeve, and my scars are there for everyone to see.

I wanted to say quite a bit in response to that comment, but it wasn't the time.  It did, however, lead me to evaluate the relationship, be that what it may.  I realized a lot about the other person by them making that comment, and it's not so much the actual making of the comment, it's what followed.  He liked that about me.  He was attracted to the fact that I was 'emotionally detached.'  His example being that a lot of women need to be texted everyday or called everyday.  I didn't admit that if a day goes by that I don't talk to him in one form or another I get a tad bummed about it.  I'm not blowing up his phone asking where he has been, and all that shit because that's not me.  I am busy, and have a life, too.  Nonetheless, I still get a bit bummed.

Maybe he means it in that simplest form.
In that one example.

I , of course, am taking it and letting it stew in my head until it forms into this big, evil monster that will wear me down and have me a paranoid android.  Yes, I am completely internalizing it.  Why?

...because of the front that I put up. I want people to think that I don't truly care, and I don't to a certain extent.  When I cross that line with you - I want you to know that I am truly a big softie inside, but you are going to have to pull her out.  I don't just give it easily - as much as I may want to.  I want to know you care enough to try.

I hate it.  This one conversation over candle light has had me an emotional mess.  I don't want to say that it clouds the amazing time that I had, but it may have dimmed it a little bit.  I have a million things running like wild stallions in my head.  I am drawing a million conclusions from 5 minutes worth of conversation.

Unfortunately, none of them are in my favor.  again.